I was at Zumba last week dancing my heart out when this song came on.
It totally spoke to me. God, I love my life. I love it so much and I never take it for granted but I am really struggling to get this eating thing under control. It consumes my thoughts most days.
Real thoughts that go through my head:
How big can I actually get? Why do I have to love food so much? Can I find a way to still be social and not eat so much? If I don’t feel fat in my head, I’m not fat, right? Why does everything social involve food and alcohol? How come I could eat like this a few years ago and not gain weight? How can I have wanted something so badly for so long and have made zero (in fact backwards) progress towards that goal? Why can I never stick with my eating and exercise plans? Why is it so hard for me to NOT eat? If I graduate from a chubby girl to a fat girl will people treat me differently? Will I lose friends? Will Josh no longer be attracted to me? Am I going to be stressing about my weight for the rest of my life?
(Pinterest)
This song was a great reminder that no one’s perfect. We’re all a work in progress. As long as we keep trying and working and fighting the best is truly yet to come. As Jessie J would say, “You haven’t seen the best of me.” I’m nowhere near where I want to be. In fact, to be totally honest, I feel pretty lost at the moment. But I’m stubborn, headstrong, and I work hard. I know I’ll get there. I’m still working on my masterpiece.
Questions of the Day: What’s something in your life you’re working on?
Yes ma’am- we’re all a work in progress, and have all fallen victim to those scary/damaging trains of thought like the one you shared above. But you CAN do anything you set your mind to, and it’s okay for it to be a process and not something with instant results. 🙂
-Ashley
Le Stylo Rouge
One thing that I have learned a long the way is that NOBODY cares about the way you look more than you yourself do. In fact, most people don’t care AT ALL. They care about who you are as a person. What is most important is that we are healthy, enjoy life, and always work to find balance. Lastly, I can tell you for a fact that you are never going to lose friends for something as silly as that! 🙂
SO true! We’re always our own worst critics!
Of course, it’s important to feel comfortable and healthy in your own skin, but you will get there, and everyone will still love you in the meantime!
You are Beautiful and Brave!! Your thoughts are so spot on and is how so many of us feel. I recently started a Blog at the age if 43 and sometimes worry what people will think but that’s life. I am who I am. We are all still working on our masterpiece and while it will never be perfect it will be ours. Hugs to you sweet girl!!
livingoncloudandreanine.blogspot.com
THIS. You are not alone-I feel the same way! I’ve gained weight and totally beat myself up about it. and YES I ask myself why don’t I have self control, why can’t I not starve myself to lose weight, why can’t I just do what everyone else does. It’s hard because I know, that if I cut out everything social including fun foods and adult beverages and ate bland food I could lose the weight. The price of fun and friends and living life as a twenty something is worth a few extra pounds most of the time. Sometimes it just really sucks. You are hard-working and beautiful!
I totally agree with Hannah in everything that she said! As soon as this rainy weather is over let’s pick a couple of nights a week to go on long walks! I know I would feel better getting out! 🙂
Hey love, this was a really great post; honest and truthful. Just so you know–you have the support of your friends and family. Will <3 you no matter what. Hang in there, and remember that we all have our ups and downs.
xx Meg
I had a personal struggle to get to a healthy weight and maintain it–and now, as an RN, I have had so many patients that struggle with their weight and one thing that really bothers me is how much effort companies and their marketers put into making you WANT TO EAT JUNK.
If you do some research on food science and engineering–yes, companies ENGINEER ratios of fat to salt to sugar to make you crave their crap food more–it really turns you off to the social/commercial draw to food and helps you focus on eating for nutritional value.
At least, in my experience it does. 🙂 Thanks for posting this–many can relate. If you’re interested in reading more about it, this NPR article is a good place to start: http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2013/02/26/172969363/how-the-food-industry-manipulates-taste-buds-with-salt-sugar-fat
You have a vision – that’s the first step! I have no doubt you will get yourself exactly where you want to be!
I love her honesty and perseverance.
Such an honest and truthful post. Work that Zumba girl!
~Samantha
You know, I’ve just discovered your blog today via Twitter, and I was reading your articles telling myself “what a nice girl she is!” “at last a blogger who doesn’t sound so self-centered” “I love her hair and what a nice smile !”.
It really broke my heart that you should suffer from this weight-angst. You shouldn’t. You’re very pretty the way you are. You needn’t change, Josh will still love you no matter what, that’s what marriage and true love is about.
I normally never share anything about my private life online, but I feel I should today.
Being extremely thin doesn’t bring happiness nor health. It mostly brings angst to people who care for you.
My mom is a very thin person, so am I. That’s why I often faint, and I’ve had troubles during my pregnancy, as had my mom.
My mom can not often drive to my home and see her grandson because she’s feable most of the time.
I’m in better health than she is because I am young and my husband cooks a lot of very strong food, but I’m still anxious whenever I have to go through a day alone with my son, who’s a toddler and has to be carried a lot, I fear I might let him down for lack of strength.
That’s not glamour, that’s not better than being what you call “chubby”, what I call beautiful.
You are beautiful, you needn’t lose weight, you needn’t control your food nor anything. Just live, you do it wonderfully !
All the thoughts you posted are one’s I also know far too well. I find it especially hard to go out to eat with friends/family and pick the healthy option while they’re picking the delicious options. I would love to be one of those people who don’t need to worry about food!